I’M FINE TO NOT

Snapshot of me jumping into an oddly calm pool at Peppertree in Siesta Key where I spent many many summers as a kid in the 80s and 90s. Must have been a cold day.

I think maybe this is my theme for 2026. ‘I’m fine to not’ and then I just fill in the blank with whatever I want, thus, feeling fine about it for the rest of, let’s say, 2026.

Okay, first off, and what got me started on this idea in the first place, was telling myself, ‘I’m fine to not sell anymore of my arts and crafts and just make stuff for myself.’ This is something I have super struggled with a lot in the past 5 or so years to the point it was bringing me down in a way that was less than good. I’ve written about this struggle in a few other posts and, looking back, should have decided a year or so ago that this whole making art to sell it idea was not a good fit for me and to just put an end to it.

But, I had to learn. I had to experience. I had to do the things to check the fit. And well, I’m glad I did but now that that lesson is over, it’s time for me to not do it anymore. And…I’m fine with that. Really. Now, today, yes I feel good about making that decision and am actually excited and relieved about it. It will be fun. And of course, at the end of this year, I shall reevaluate said decision and decide one more again if that’s what I’m going to continue to do…err, not do. Yeah. That.

Making and selling art is great and works for a lot of people. So don’t get me wrong there. I’m really proud of the art friends I’ve met along the way who really crush it. I think the whole idea is so cool. A) coming up with cool stuff to make, B) producing a few copies or more originals, C) finding a place to sell it all, D) marketing it, etc.. It’s like playing store! That was always fun (esp. when your friend had a real cash register). But it felt so stressful and demanding in a way that didn’t sit well with me.

It was keeping me from feeling creative. Keeping me from feeling bored. There was always something to do. AND push on fucking stupid social media. Which, that right there, really ruined a lot of it for me. I wasn’t trying anything new that I was interested in. I was just copying myself. And there was another side of it where I was getting asked to create stuff for other people that I often couldn’t nail. That’s never fun to discover about yourself. You do all this design work and you can’t even figure this out?? Such a huge internal disappointment (to the depths you’ll never know) and all the frustration that comes with it. You can’t just tear up the paper and say to hell with it. You’ve made a COMMITMENT!!!

I was feeling more and more like a shop keeper and less like an artist.

Now, shop keeper as a job in general would be fun, I think. The shop side of it. Not having to produce the actual things. Just maybe help a friend run theirs or have a gift shop or something. Would I be good at it? Probably not. But I think, yeah, it could be fun for a few months (or weeks) then I’d probably be right back here talking about how that was a mistake.

BUT THE ART, it wasn’t happenin’. Well, not in the way that I wanted it to. It just felt like shit. Total shit. I had that feeling in the back of my head while I was signing up for vendor booths and trying to come up with things to sell on my Etsy shop. But it wasn’t stopping me from pushing forward. Me. Myself…pushing myself forward. No one was pressuring me to do this yet I felt like, well I can’t stop now, I haven’t spent enough time being bad at this yet. No one’s pulled the plug on me - yet - so things must be fine so I’ll just keep going. Right. Okay.

And now here we are.

I don’t know if it’s my age, this world ::motions everywhere dramatically::, or something else but man, all sorts of shit’s looking different to me right now. I’m like, why waste any more of my time on something that’s not doing me any good? Yeah, I could push. I could challenge myself. I could stick with it and see it through for longer. Really ‘hone my craft.’ But in the end, I don’t care. I don’t care anymore. It was fun at first. Some lessons learned for sure. But this is no longer where I want to waste my time (well, again - for 2026. Never say never, I guess).

So yeah, I’m reevaluating, man (think Big Lebowski). So many things are on the table now that I am feeling more free to be and do - me. Not just the art biz but that’s been the main one on my mind lately. I’m realizing some shit’s just not a good fit for me now. I’m getting to know myself better which has been really refreshing and nice. I really like me. I’m pretty cool. Especially when I let myself be.

So here’s to 2026. Here’s to being fine not doing certain things. Here’s to the challenge and growth that comes along with that. To finding the strength and courage to quit or say no to something and forgetting about the scary opinions of others (that probably aren’t even there - the opinions that is) and feeling fine inside about it.

Here’s to not selling any more of my arts and crafts and just making things for myself.